10 Years Read online

  Then there was the fact that I still attended all of his baseball games. Sure, I took pictures and submitted them to the school paper, but no matter how many times I told myself I was going to stay home, and stop going to his games, I always went.

  If I was honest with myself, I’d realize that one of the main reasons I never bought a car, was that if I did, I would no longer have a reason to carpool back home with Craig. And, if I stopped going to his games, I’d not only be breaking a promise I made to him eight years ago, but I’d miss the joy and pride I always felt when I watched him play.

  It was a good thing I hadn’t been honest with myself in over three years.

  Chapter Five ~ Craig

  (12 years old)

  “Stop fidgeting, Craig,” my mom said as she tried fixing my tie for the nine-hundredth time.

  I wanted to roll my eyes, but knew that would land me a smack on the head, so I did my best to stand still, even though the suit was itchy as heck.

  My mom nodded as she gave the tie one last pull, then stood to smile down at me, her eyes getting watery.

  “You’re not gonna cry again, are you?” I asked, terrified that she’d start sobbing like she had just twenty minutes ago, when my brother Cal had walked out of his bedroom, dressed in a suit that perfectly matched my own.

  “Get used to it, son,” my dad said as he walked out of the kitchen. “Your mother’s going to be a mess all day.”

  “Oh, shush, Cal,” my mom responded, slapping playfully at his arm. “It’s not every day your oldest son gets married.”

  They smiled at each other, which eased the tension in my gut. There’d been a lot of arguing over the last few weeks since Cal announced he and Shelly were getting married. It wasn’t that my parents didn’t love Shelly, they did, it’s just that they weren’t thrilled at the thought of Cal and Shelly getting married at eighteen. They wanted them to wait, go to school, get jobs, or whatever, for a few years, before they settled down.

  But Cal didn’t want to go to college. He was happy working on cars, and he knew without a doubt that Shelly was the girl he wanted to be his wife. They’d already been dating for two years, and they were still as happy and in love as they’d been the first time I’d met her in the park. Cal and Shelly belonged together, even I could see that, and Cal didn’t want to wait to start their life together.

  It had taken some time, but he’d finally worn my parents, and Shelly’s dad, down, and we were all getting ready for their wedding.

  I was happy for Cal, and I already thought of Shelly as my sister, but I didn’t see why I had to wear the dang suit.

  “Hey, Craig,” Cal called to me from the living room.

  “Yeah?”

  “Come here, buddy.”

  I looked up at my mom to make sure she was done with me, and barely held in a Whoop! when she nodded and I was free. I practically ran to see what my brother wanted in the other room.

  “You look great,” Cal said when I entered. He was sitting in one of the formal chairs, his body forward, as if he was perched on the end. His elbows were on his knees, hands clasped, and his leg was bouncing nervously.

  “So do you,” I replied honestly. He had a fresh haircut, clean-shaven face, and although I could tell he was nervous, he also looked excited and happy.

  “Hey, bro, I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay with Scott being my Best Man,” Cal said, bringing his dark eyes to mine.

  “Yeah,” I replied, and I was okay with it. He and Scott had been best friends forever. “I always figured he would be.”

  Cal nodded, his face full of relief, and I felt warmth spread through me. It felt good that Cal was worried about my feelings, but I knew I was a lot younger than him, and that he’d want Scott and TJ standing up there with him. I was just proud that he wanted me up there too. As much as I complained about wearing an itchy suit, I was excited to get to be a groomsman in his wedding.

  “I’m just happy you didn’t make me the ring bearer,” I said playfully, hoping to get a laugh out of him and maybe calm his nerves a bit.

  It worked, and Cal’s laugh filled the room. When our parents joined us, they were beaming with happiness.

  “It’s time to go, boys,” my father said, looking at Cal with pride in his eyes.

  Cal stood, and I had the urge to do something I hadn’t done in a couple years… I walked to him and wrapped my arms around him, my head coming to rest at the center of his chest.

  “I love you,” I said gruffly into his chest, hoping he couldn’t hear the emotion choking me.

  “I love you too, Craig,” he replied, and I swear I felt his lips brush the top of my head.

  I was suddenly overcome with the fact that my relationship with my brother would no longer be the same. He wouldn’t be coming back to his room tonight, and would never live with us again. I wouldn’t be able to knock on his door when I needed help with my math homework, and he wouldn’t be around to tease me about the way my voice had deepened. Or razz me about how hairy my legs were getting.

  And, although I was happy for him and Shelly, I was sorry for what I would be losing that day.

  Chapter Six ~ Gwen

  (12 years old)

  It was like watching a Disney movie, that’s how beautiful Shelly looked for her wedding. Like a princess. It wasn’t a big, splashy wedding, just a group of us in the church, then a party at Craig and Cal’s house.

  Shelly’s long, ivory gown had been her mother’s, that’s what Gaby told me, and it fit her perfectly. Sasha and Gaby had stayed the night with Shelly at her dad’s house last night, then helped her get ready this morning. They did her hair, which was mostly up in a twist, with some pretty curls hanging down around her face, and her makeup, which made her large green eyes look even more magical than usual. The most beautiful thing about her was smile. It lit up the whole church.

  I sat in a pew right on the end, so I could watch everyone as they entered and exited, and have a great view of the ceremony. Shelly said I could take pictures, and I didn’t want to miss a minute.

  I’d watched and snapped pictures furiously, as first Sasha and TJ, then Craig by himself, and finally Scott and Gaby had walked down the aisle. The guys looked great in their black suits, and Sasha and Gaby were stunning in pretty blue gowns. They’d bought the gowns during the after-prom sales, and had gotten lucky when they’d found something that all three of them had loved. When everyone stood, and the doors opened for Shelly and her father, the room fell silent as we watched Shelly make her way down the aisle.

  I turned, my camera ready, to catch Cal as he watched his bride come toward him, and my breath caught at the look on his face. When I saw a single tear slide down his cheek, I lowered my lens and let out a deep breath.

  I looked over at Craig, and when he turned his gaze from Shelly, then to his brother, I knew he felt the same thing that I did. Pure love.

  I don’t know how I knew what it was, since I’d never seen that emotion before, certainly not with any couple I knew up to that point, but I knew what they felt for each other was rare, so I closed my eyes and hoped that they would always be as happy, as they were in that moment.

  After the ceremony, I rode with Gaby and Sasha to the reception, and hurried around the back so I could watch the wedding party make their grand entrance. When I reached the back gate, I paused and took in the beauty before me. Ms. Rose had transformed her backyard into a magical wonderland. My head turned from one side to the other, trying to take it all in. Beautiful white flowers as far as the eye could see. White tents throughout the yard, chairs with white covers and pretty bows on the back. Tables overflowing with food, drinks, and a gorgeous tiered cake. I could see that the tents were covered in twinkling lights, which would light up the yard as soon as the sun began to set. It was simple, yet perfect, and I couldn’t wait to capture it all on film. But first, I hurried to stage myself by the entrance from the house, so I could have a good view of the entrance.

  Some time later, when th
e sun was low and the lights were twinkling through the yard like fireflies, I watched as Craig danced with Sasha, my foot tapping to the beat.

  “What you up to, little Gwen?”

  I looked up to see TJ standing by my table, and felt my cheeks flush.

  TJ was the most handsome person I’d ever seen in real life, and he just kept getting more handsome as the years went by, all the guys did. It was totally unfair. Within the last few months, I was finding it harder to be myself when I was around them. I was always getting tongue-tied. Well, with every guy except for Craig. I could still talk to him without sounding like a moron.

  “Just hanging out,” I replied when I finally found my voice.

  “Wanna dance?” he asked, running a hand through his sandy hair before offering it to me.

  I felt like throwing up as I looked from his hand to the dance floor.

  What if he touched me and I fainted?

  What if he took me in his arms and I did something embarrassing, like sniff him? I’d stood close enough to smell him before, and he always smelled wonderful.

  What if I tripped and fell into him?

  The horrifying possibilities were endless…

  “C’mon, sweetheart, just one dance,” TJ cajoled, with a grin, and I was helpless to deny him.

  I put my hand in his and stood, allowing him to lead me to the floor.

  My stomach was full of fireworks, and my legs were like Jell-O covered sticks. I wiped my sweaty palms, hopefully discreetly, on my favorite Easter dress, before letting TJ guide them around his waist. He kept a respectable gap between us, but we may as well have been flush against each other. I could feel his warmth, smell his deliciousness, and I felt a little dizzy as my heart pounded loudly in my chest.

  The song was over way before I was ready. When I looked up to thank him and scurry away, he said, “Now that wasn’t so bad was it?”

  I shook my head as he grinned, then he looked over my shoulder and said, “She’s all yours.”

  Before I knew it the song changed and I’d been transferred from TJ’s arms to Craig’s.

  We danced in silence for a while, and I watched Craig’s face as he looked around the party his parents had thrown for the happy couple.

  “It was a beautiful wedding,” I said quietly, when I could no longer stand the silence.

  Craig turned to me with a nod. I noticed that he seemed taller than he had last week. It seemed like he was a little taller every time I saw him. His voice was deeper too, and his face changed a little, making him look even more like his older brother.

  “It’ll be weird, not having Cal live here anymore,” Craig said softly.

  I knew what he meant Gaby was going off to college, and I’d started to realize that every breakfast we shared, and every night we stayed up watching Friends reruns, were going to be coming to an end soon.

  “Yeah, it’s going to be weird not having them around all the time anymore,” I replied, knowing that it would also affect the time that Craig and I got to spend together. Usually, anytime our siblings and their friends got together, we were included because we lived with them, but now that they were older, and moving on with their lives, we were bound to be left out.

  “Hey, when’s your first game?” I asked, changing the subject to something that I knew would cheer Craig up. Baseball.

  “Next Friday,” he responded with the smile I’d been hoping for. He’d been picked up for the middle school team, just like I knew he would be, and was about to start the first season. “You’ll be there, right?”

  “Of course, I said I would,” I replied. “I’ll be the one taking tons of pictures of the star pitcher!”

  “Where will you sit? I’d like to be able to pick you out in the crowd,” Craig said, his voice sounding almost shy.

  “How about all the way to the right. Top bleacher next to the railing?”

  “Perfect,” he responded, then pulled me in closer so my head could rest on his chest. When he spoke again, I felt the rough timbre of his words. “Will you come to all my games?”

  “Yes,” I responded, smiling happily to myself. “I promise.”

  As the lights twinkled magically, and the steady beat of Craig’s heart thudded beneath my ear, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment, listening to the sounds of our friends and family talking and laughing, surrounding us like a happy bubble.

  Chapter Seven ~ Craig

  Present Day (20 years old)

  I was parked outside Gwen’s apartment, the car running as I waited for her to come out. I usually went to the door to get her, but since she seemed so hell-bent on proving we had no friendship left, I figured she could find her way on her own. She knew what time I’d be there.

  The back door opened and she threw her backpack in, then I heard the door shut. When the passenger door didn’t open seconds later, I stopped fiddling with the radio and turned in my seat. Gwen was sitting in the backseat looking out the window.

  “This isn’t a taxi service, get up front please,” I said, my jaw tight with frustration.

  Gwen turned her piercing green eyes toward me and countered, “Oh, really? Don’t taxis usually idle at the curb while waiting for their passenger to arrive? You can see why I was confused.”

  “Haha,” I replied sarcastically. “You made your point, now get up front.”

  She gave me one last smirk before opening the door and getting out of the backseat. When she was seated up front, seatbelt on, I pulled away from the curb and began the two-hour drive back home.

  “So… how are your classes?” I asked after ten minutes of no talking.

  “Fine.”

  “How’s your exhibit for Photography coming?” I tried again, referring to the junior year showcase.

  “How do you know about that?” she asked suspiciously, finally turning to look at me.

  “I saw your name on the poster in front of the art building,” I replied. She didn’t need to know that I purposefully walked by that building every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday on my way to my accounting class, in hopes that I’d catch a glimpse of her.

  Satisfied with my answer, she turned her attention back to the windshield and answered, “It’s coming along fine.”

  Not willing to give up, but trying to conceal my frustration, I asked, “How’s the apartment with Aliyah?”

  I turned my head briefly and caught her small smile before it was gone.

  “It’s great, actually,” she said, finally giving me a real answer. “So much better than living in the dorms. We’ve had fun fixing it up and decorating it, and it’s nice to have our own space. How about you? With Liam?”

  The knots in my stomach loosened as I realized we were entering the neutral area of our relationship, where we were allowed to be civil to each other. I lived for these moments, even though they were only a glimpse of the relationship we used to share.

  “Yeah, much better than dorm life,” I agreed with a grin. “Liam’s the perfect roommate. He cleans up after himself, can cook more than just a frozen burrito, and is serious about baseball and his studies. I’m really glad we decided to get a place together, rather than move in to the frat house. That would have been way too much chaos for me. I like having my down time.”

  Gwen nodded. “Aliyah is an awesome cook, which is nice, since my specialty is the frozen burrito. She takes care of the cooking, and I’m in charge of kitchen cleanup. It works out. And it’s nice that we can hang out together, but that we have our own separate bedrooms, so we can be alone when we want. Plus, I don’t have the revolving door of guys that I had when I shared a dorm with Shawnte. It’s a relief not to have to hide under my covers, or leave my bed in the middle of the night to get some peace.”

  I laughed. Gwen had entertained me for many ride home with tales of Shawnte’s conquests.

  “Aww, I’m going to miss those stories,” I said, still chuckling.

  “I won’t,” Gwen deadpanned.

  “So, what kind of stuff will you be showing at t
he showcase?” I asked, steering the conversation back to her. I’d always loved seeing the amazing things Gwen could capture with her lens. She’d been passionate about photography since I met her. It was one of my favorite things about her.

  Gwen pulled her legs up in the seat, hugging her knees to her chest.

  “I’ve put together a series of early dawn pieces. The morning sun, dew drops, things coming to life at the start of the day… that kind of stuff. I’m really excited about how it’s turning out.”

  “I’d love to come see it,” I said, speaking before thinking. But as soon as the words came out of my mouth, and I saw the shutters close over Gwen’s face, shielding me from the happiness she’d been feeling, I knew my offer was unwelcome.

  We rode the rest of the way in silence, and as I pulled up to her mom’s house, I vowed that on the way home I’d force her to talk to me. To explain why she’d shut me out, and continued to do so. I had to believe we could get our friendship back.

  I missed her.

  “Thanks for the ride,” Gwen said automatically as she retrieved her bag from the back.

  “I’ll see you at the shower,” I said in response, catching her swift nod before she shut the door and hurried up the path to where her mother was waiting with open arms.

  I left with a smile on my face at the sight, eager to get home and see my parents. It had been over two months since I’d been home, and I missed them. I couldn’t wait to talk sports with my dad, and have Mom’s pancakes for breakfast. As I drove toward the memories, I couldn’t help but remember how many of them included Gwen, good and bad.

  Chapter Eight ~ Craig

  (14 years old)

  I blinked, trying to bring the room in to focus and become fully awake. All at once, I was aware of two things; I was not in my bedroom, and my arm hurt like hell.